An Open Letter to My Three Year Old

Dear Josephine,

Today started out rough and has not become better. You're "resting" now and I need to take some time to confess something to you.
As a child, there were many things that I wanted, and quite frequently, my parents told me no. And just as often, I didn't understand why. Was it because they hated me and didn't want me to have fun? Most likely not, I knew that they loved me very much and they showed it to me on a daily basis. Perhaps it was because they were Sadistic and found some sort of sick pleasure in my own unhappiness. However, after being your mother for these three beautiful years, my guess is that this was not the case either.
You see, telling you no is often more difficult than letting you indulge in whatever you desire. When I tell you no I have to be consistent, and it takes a great amount of energy away from whatever I need to be doing. When I tell you no, you throw a tantrum and it causes me to become emotional. It makes me feel sad to see you upset; I feel angry that you won't listen to me. And I am frustrated because I'm not a better parent. Then, I have to use a great amount of restraint to overcome my feelings, and respond in a calm and rational manner. Please forgive me for the times that I have been unable to do this, and for those times in the future that I will be too weak to do so. I am truly sorry as I am an adult and should be able to overcome my feelings to treat you with love and respect no matter how tired, frustrated, sad, or angry I feel.
The reason that it is so important for me to tell you no, especially when it would be easier for me to simply say yes, is that life is hard. No matter how much we want things, we cannot always have them. This is a lesson I've learned even more so since marrying your father and becoming a mother to you and your sisters. I love you all very much and wouldn't trade my life with you for the many material things, the graduate degrees, or the career I'd like to have. These things do not come easy, and most of those things that are truly good take work, and a great deal of it. There are times when it may seem too difficult to put one foot in front of the other and days when surviving is all you can do. When those days come, I hope you have the virtue of perseverance and will carry on. If I indulge you today, I know that you will give up; you will fail. You will expect things to be handed to you, no matter what it is; you will feel entitled to have anything and everything you desire. You will be disappointed when you realize that the world does not work this way.
And so, today when I tell you no, please understand that it is because I love you and I desire nothing more than for your happiness. Please forgive me for the days when I am too tired and I indulge you when it is not in your best interest. Those are the days that I'm not caring for you, but for myself. When I'm taking the easy route, and giving up. Please forgive me for being weak., but never forget that I love you. I love you more than myself, and I want you to be truly happy. You are a beautiful gift, and the joy of loving you is the greatest joy of my life.

Love,
Mommy